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Is this a good Personal Narrative essay for English?

We had to do a essay about our life, so This is what I know. I know its kinda long but I'm not allowed to get annyy bad grades and need some feedback and constructive criticism . Thank you :) Oh and just to let you know before hand, it talks just a litttllee bit about church and god involved in my life. And i know this is the wrong category lol.I was born and raised in South Carolina and I am someone who wants the best out of life. Going to college and deciding a career path are my goals for right now. But for now, the present is what I am focusing on.There have been so many great moments in my life I can't even remember them all. Becoming an aunt has been the best highpoint of my life so far. I can still remember when my sister Jamie and baby Kristiana came home from the hospital. Getting better at school was another great moment. After I failed Sixth grade, I started to become a better student in the classroom. I felt smarter, which made me ecstatic and I've been getting good grades ever since. One more highpoint was when I finally learned to swim at the age of thirteen. I can still remember my sister teaching and supporting me because she knew how afraid of swimming I was. Having all those great memories make me grateful and happy to have experienced them.Even though I've had many good times in my life, there have also been some bad. My sister's boyfriend being killed was the most horrible moment ever. My family and I were really close to him and then finding out that he was killed made our hearts sink in sorrow and shock. My niece was left fatherless which made us overwhelmed with sadness even more. Believing in God and knowing he was in a better place helped us a lot on moving on. My grandmother dying was another time of great sadness. She passed away peacefully while she slept, while my family was on vacation. When we returned, all of my mother's sisters were there waiting for us. I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes overwhelm with dozens of tears while watching everyone begin to cry. After her death, I started doing activities to get my mind off my sadness and to rise my spirit.There are a lot of activities that I enjoy extremely and one of them is Horse back riding. My cousin first introduced it to me when I was about eleven years old. I remember smelling the fresh hay and feeling the hot humidity on my skin. Going to church is another important part of my life. When I became older, I realized just how important God and church was. My parents always told me going to and believing would make me become and stronger and better person. After reading what I've written, I've come to realize how I try to be a good person with good values and morals. I've also realized a person who can get through and over obstacles that appear in my way. Knowing that, it will help me go through the rest of High school, college, and the rest of my life believing that if I believe in myself and believe I can do anything, everything will be much better for myself. I'm grateful for every single day of who I am....and who I will become.

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4 Responses so far.

  1. apprehensibility says:

    Start your intro different it really didnt grab my attention, and your not really telling a story, (well you are but you know what i mean) my teacher said to make it like your writing a fiction book and not an educational book. You need more sensory words so i can feel like i`m there with you in your life

  2. mihm says:

    very good

  3. disarmer says:

    excellent~ A++

  4. wraiths says:

    very good