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Need help with my FIRST essay – nothing hard?

i'm writing about the roman army (year 7 work aged 11-12)this is my paragraph ive written so far: there are many reasons why the roman ary was so successful. one of them was because of their good training, before new soldiers were sent to fight , they trained for 4 months, if they hd any spare time they would train, everybody had to do 3 long marches, this made them successful because, it made then fit and strong, giving them a better chance of winning the battle.how can i link disipline to this. i don't know how to link something. i want to say that u can link disipline to this because if you did something wrong... you'll get beaten and stuff like that.

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3 Responses so far.

  1. delancy says:

    First, use spell check, and use regular words, not text messaging words. Except for the capital letter on “There” and the typo on “army”, your first sentence is ok. Your second sentence needs to be, One of the reasons was good training. A comma here is a splice and will get you marked down. Start the next sentence with a capital B on “before” and write out the number. The last word of that sentence is “months”. The end of the next sentence is “train”. Look out for using commas to connect sentences. You’ve done that a lot, and it is considered wrong. Either use “and”, or a period and start the next sentence with a capital. The last sentence of that paragraph could be something like, “Following orders also helped the army….”Then, your second paragraph would just start with the word “discipline”.Remember, you cannot connect two sentences with a comma. You need a conjunction like “and”, or a period.

  2. sewans says:

    The easiest way to link two ideas together, is by using “linking words” of which there are many. One way may be using the linking word “therefore.” E.g. “…the battle, therefore discipline was regarded as an essential characteristic of the Roman soldier…or “at the same time” discipline..or words you can use in this specific context: because, as a result, consequently, furthermore, of equal importance.” I hope I understood you correctly. Good luck!

  3. thymolsulphonephthalein says:

    here is my email adress: [email not allowed] nd me an email and i will help, I’m doing GCSE higher history xDIf i get the info i would be able to help you write it, just finished doing an essay on how rational was the greeks approach to medicine?