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My writing is absolutely awful. Can someone help me with my college essay?

So I started writing my college essay. The first two paragraphs I wrote with passion, but after that it just became awful. I understand fully of what I was going to write, I wrote out an outline and everything. But for some reason, it's not coming to me. So here it is: [external link] am embarrassed by my writing style, first of all. (here is what my REAL writing style is like - this is an edited essay, not for college [external link] )Second of all, I am aware that there are grammatical errors. Please answer this question with the intent of helping me piece together my ideas first. Grammatical errors are things that I can take care of afterward.Third, I want to ask you a few questions post-reading: Do you understand the basics of what I'm writing about? Do you understand the topic/theme? Do you think I convey it well? Is this written with authenticity? Is it too broad and too vague, not specific enough? Most importantly, do you think I'm putting together too many ideas at once?

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One Response so far.

  1. atheisticalness says:

    Oh quit fishing for compliments…lol….I read your story and it looked pretty good to me. I have a degree in Journalism and while I’m not the best writer in the world, I do know “absolutely awful” writing when I see it. Of course, I don’t know at what level you are writing. For example I went to San Diego State University. But the standards are certainly higher at Harvard. The thing I always hated about writing was how open to interpretation it can be. As opposed to math which has only one correct answer. I wish you the best.