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Is this a good thesis statement? (A Separate Peace by John Knowles)?

I am writing a thesis essay dealing with A Separate Peace by John Knowles. My Statement is: John Knowles uses the death of Phineas, Gene's justification of causing Phineas to fall, and leper's ultimate insanity to show that dwelling in a state of naivety can destroy and individual. I just don't think the thesis is strong enough. Is there any rephrasing that could be done to make this statement more powerful? does "to show that it is impossible to live a successful life in a state of naivety" sound better? I need this ASAP. so thanks!:)

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One Response so far.

  1. ventages says:

    Yes i think it really gets the point across