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Can someone help with my essay, please? ;n;?

I'm almost finished with my autobiographical essay, these are the only things I'm having trouble with (I only need one more sentence for my last paragraph, and I need help on the intro and conclusion): Introduction: Over the years I have grown mentally. Even through the bad, I have been able to look at the bright side and learn how to not regret. Third paragraph: Lastly, I have been able to embrace my individuality. For years I was trying my best to blend in with everyone else. However, I disregard other’s judgments and focus on trying to do what is best. I have matured at such a young age and I’m proud of myself for that.Conclusion: I have become a better person because of these hardships. The tough times in life have made me a proud individual.

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2 Responses so far.

  1. weatherly says:

    For your third paragraph, I feel like the best place to add in that extra sentence would be between the second and third sentences, because you moved abruptly from one statement to the next without a transition. I think a good transition would be for you to explain why you stopped trying to blend in (I’m assuming you stopped since the second sentence is in past tense and the third is in present. If that is not the case then you need to fix that so the tenses are consistent).As for the introduction and conclusion, they seem fine to me. General rules for a good introduction and conclusion are that the entire essay has to be related to or built upon the first sentence, and that the conclusion can’t introduce any new information, but merely sums up what has already been stated.Good luck with your essay

  2. surgerize says:

    You’re using too much I’s. Change the form of the sentences.