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Good introduction? Help?

Is this a good introduction for a comparison/contrast essay? My thesis statement is the last sentence. My teacher wants our thesis to be last. How can i make this introduction better? Help pleaseAn eating disorder is a mental disorder in which a person has a compelling need to starve, to binge, or to binge and purge. The two most common eating disorders are anorexia and bulimia. While anorexia and bulimia are similar in terms of health issues, they differ in their symptoms and treatment.

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3 Responses so far.

  1. quoc says:

    Mental Illness is a general cause of eating disorders.Two of the most deadly illness are the Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa which primarily affect people in their teens and twenties, but clinicians report both disorders in children a s young as six and individuals as old as seventy-six. Eating disorders involve disproportionate concern in matters of food and weight.These two disorders are serious health issues that can lead to death if not treated , Yet they differ in their symptoms. Just as Anorexia, is an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight, and an obsessive phobia of gaining weight due to a distorted self image. In comparison, Bulimia is also an eating disorder, characterized by restraining of food intake for a period of time followed by an over intake or binging period that results in feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. However, mental disorders are conceptualized as disorders of brain circuits likely caused by developmental processes shaped by a complex interplay of genetics and experience.

  2. aussage says:

    While the introduction is good, there’s some minor things you can do to make it better.’An eating disorder is a mental disorder…” the word disorder is repeated, not only in the same sentence but rather close too. Repeating words like this isn’t exactly good, it’s not an error most teachers would mark you down but it would still help you if you changed one of the ‘disorder’s.Also, ” need to starve, to binge, or to binge and purge ” simply having “need to starve, binge or binge and purge” but it still seems a bit awkward to me, but having to ___, to ___ seems unnecessary. Probably the use of binge twice makes it awkward but,again, I don’t think you’ll be mark down for this.The alternative one seems like a good fit, but too much information when it’s about the symptoms and treatment not how often it occurs. If you had a statement saying “This organization states that eating disorders causes blah blah” it would fit better with your thesis.

  3. notionalness says:

    I don’t know what grade you’re in or how much your teacher expects, but that looks fine to me. I’d recommend changing “to binge and purge” to “to binge and then purge” so that it doesn’t look like you listed the same concept twice (it makes it more obvious that purging follows the binge rather than being a separate item). Hope this helps out!