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What do you think of my essay?

****WARNING- CONTAINS A COUPLE MINOR SPOILERS FROM THE HUNGER GAMES*****Do you think my essay/ letter is good? What grade would you give a sophomore in high school for it?So, we had to read the book "The Hunger Games"- a fairly easy book- for our honor's summer reading. This is the assignment:"The author is coming to your school and wishes to receive some feedback from students. Write a well organized, multi-paragraph letter to the author of the book and explain your thoughts about the ending or an important event in the book that causes you concern. Your concern may be about style, content, stereotyping-anything that you think the author might have considered more carefully. The following is a list of ideas you may wish to use:1. Describe the event or situation you wish to discuss.2. Explain your complaint or concern with the issue.3. Suggest an alternate path that the author might have explored in the book.4. End with your respectfully-stated evaluation of the book's merit.Be specific when referring to events or characters in the book, and remember to use your best grammar and most precise vocabulary. Authors are thoughtful writers and will expect thoughtful writing."This is my essay:"August 2, 2011Dear Mrs. Collins,I’ve just recently read your novel The Hunger Games, and I would like to give you my opinion about how you’ve chosen to bring your book to a conclusion. Some parts of the end seam somewhat unrealistic to your fictional world's (and the real world's) standards.The society you seem to have created in the Capitol has a very high-tech and advanced nature to it, and this causes me to be unsure of why Peeta lost his leg. Every single injury Katniss suffered during the games had been taken care of after she'd one. She even stated "Not only are the scars from the arena gone, but those accumulated over years of hunting have vanished without a trace. My forehead feels like satin, and when I try to find the burn on my calf, there's nothing." If they have great enough technology to fix Katniss up that good in such a short amount of time, I'm almost certain they would have been able to fix Peeta's leg.I understand that this is a fictional setting, and that it is totally made up in the mind, but with such high standard in the setting you've created, it seems like he would have ended up in a better state than he was. I know they may not have been able to totally fix it, because that would seem a little over the edge, but it's unexpected to hear that his leg is entirely gone. I believe it would have seemed a bit more natural for Peeta's leg to lose some ability, or for it to become a little deformed.Your book was a great read though. I found that I couldn't put it down. I found myself staying up later than usual just to read the book. The Hunger Games is definitely a page turner.Though I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, I will definitely recommend this novel to anybody who has not read it yet. There's a large amount of action, and it doesn't ever really get boring. When it slows down, it speeds back up. I give perks to you for coming up with the Gamemakers! This book always leaves you wondering what's going to happen next. I cannot wait to read the second book of the trilogy!Best regards,Jessica"

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3 Responses so far.

  1. Elgin says:

    C/D. Maybe they couldn’t fix Peeta’s leg, maybe it was to late. Scars are not that bad compared to losing a leg. We even have stuff now to heal scars. But, not necessarily a leg. Why where you not satisfied with the ending? First paragraph had really no meaning to it, its your introduction. Not your middle paragraph. The ending was also a little off. It made me confused. P.S. The second book was almost better than the first! So, you better start reading it. There where so many twists and turns. I couldn’t help but not think about it. Just putting myself in each of those character’s shoes was something like no other. – thats something you need in your paragraph.

  2. pneumonopathy says:

    Thats great! You might get a A :)

  3. upholder says:

    - Check for spelling and grammar errors more closely – Quotes should have page number- Needs more detailed arguments- Try to not to use the same words again and again- Be more high school level sounding with your words (i.e. instead of “…,but…” use “…;however,…”- Take out any irrelevant sentences, *stay on topic! – Make it flow better, less choppier paragraphs – Try to be a little more “passionate”about the topic, no BS As of know maybe B- or a C+. Potentially, you could have an A.