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Which essay is better for my presentation (Spanish)?

I asked a question about the essay I wrote. The people pretty much said my essay was very very badly written.Two of the answers were remakes of my essay but in better spanish "quality"Which one is better to use?My essay in english:This past summer vacation was pretty boring. I only did one fun thing pretty much. That one fun thing was going to Six Flags in California. The total time I spent in California was about a week. I went to the beach, went to the movie theater and saw Hancock, and went to Six Flags. The beach was pretty cool, I went surfing, even though I don't really know how, and I also ate dinner at a restaraunt on the beach. The food was really good. The next day I just hung out at my aunt and uncle's house. They live in San Diego. I love San Diego, it is a lot cooler there than here in Tucson. Tucson is still pretty cool though. The next day or so I went to the movie theater and saw Hancock. It has Will Smith in it, and he is one of my favorite actors. Anything with Will Smith in it I will probably like it. After the movie, I saw another movie, 21. It was pretty good. The next day I was off to Six Flags. It was my first time ever going to Six Flags so I was very excited. I have never rode any big rides before, so it was a big change. When we got there the first ride I rode was Viper. It has a 230 foot drop. It was pretty extreme. I rode rides at Six Flags all day, I rode every single ride including the Superman. The Superman is very fast and very high, that and Tatsu are my favorite rides there. That was what I did over my summer vacation. It was very boring besides going to Six Flags and the beach.Some words I changed when I re-typed in spanishSpanish Remake 1:El verano pasado fue muy aburrido . Sólo hice algo divertido cuando fui al "Six Flags" California . Todo mi tiempo lo gasté en California fue una semana . Viajé a la playa, fui al cine y vi "Hancock", y también viaje al "Six Flags". En la playa fue muy bello. Yo estaba surfeando, no sabía cómo. Cené en la playa la comida fue excelente . El otro día llamé a mis tios y tias ellos viven en San Diego. Amo a San DiegoEl otro día mi familia y yo fuimos a cine y vimos Hancock Will smith era Hancock, él es uno de mis actores favoritos. Anthing con Will Smith me podrá gustar . Después de la película fui a la casa. El otro día fui a Six Flags estaba muy nervioso y emocionado . Cuando llegamos la primera atracción a la que subí fue una montaña rusa llamada "Viper". Viper tiene 230 pies, fue muy extrema iba a six flags todos los días . Superman fue muy rápido y era muy alto, Superman Y Tatsu eran mis favoritas atracciones . Pasé mi verano fue muy divertidoSpanish Remake 2:Las vacaciones del verano fueron muy aburridas. Solamentetuve una diversion, la cual fue ir a Six Flags en California. El tiempo que pase en CA fue una semana. El primer dia fui a la playa y surfie, aunque no lo puedo hacer, estuvo muy divertido. Tuve una cena en un restaurante en la playa, la cena estuvo muy sabrosa. El siguiente dia lo pase con mis tios en su casa. Ellos viven en San Diego, San Diego es muy bonito, me gusta mucho.El proximo dia fui con mi familia a el cine y fuimos a ver a Hancock, con Will Smith. El es mi actor favorito. Cualquier peilicula donde el actua, a mi me gusta. El siguiente dia fuimos al parque de diverciones 'Six Flags," esta fue primera vez en Six Flags. Yo estaba bastante emocionado. El primer juego que subi, fue la montana rusa, y despues el juejo Viper. Sube todos los juegos, todo el dia, incluyendo el de Superman. El juego de Superman tiene como 230 pies de alturara. Mis juegos favoritos fueron el de Superman y el Tasu. Esto es lo quo hice durante mis vacationes en el verano.

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2 Responses so far.

  1. uncanonically says:

    remake 2 :D ”ride” it’s good as “juego” the only thing is at the last sentence they misspelled “QUE” “Esto es lo quo (here it’s “que” instead of “quo” xD) hice durante mis vacationes en el verano.”just that (:

  2. fawned says:

    The second re-write sounds much better. I’m not sure that the word juego (game) is used correctly when you are referring to a ride. I think its “rueda.”