Home » Uncategorized » Can u please check and rate my essay. I am a seventh grader and i would like anyone to check my essay . thanks?

Can u please check and rate my essay. I am a seventh grader and i would like anyone to check my essay . thanks?

One day, we were heading to Ireland through sea. While we were on the way, something horrible had happened. A terrible storm had hit the ship and the waves started to rise. Great waves had hit the ship. Everyone was scared and running to find their families. Small children were screaming and crying as the storm hit the ship more strongly. No one had hoped of us being saved and everyone felt that we are going to die. I lost hope. The captain came and tried to make us feel comfort and not to be scared, but to no avail. He tried to convince us that he could get the ship safely to our target. After a while, the waves had risen and started covering half of the ship. Everyone was running to the other half to save their lives and the captain advised us to wear the safe suits. There was suspense on the ship and no one looked for their families at that time. But, a sight of relief came into us after noticing ships coming towards us from far away. But, the relief vanished and the sound of screams had risen as the waves rose. Suddenly, a storm hit the ship and split it into pieces. No voices have been heard at that time as everyone was drowning. The ships that were coming for help arrived and the people on it tried to save as any people as they could. They took us to a close island, but sadly most of the people had drowned.

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2 Responses so far.

  1. gotch says:

    That is a paragraph. Very blunt and not very descriptive. the way you just jumped in on how something terrible happened you did not set the scene leaving the reader kind of uncomfortable. Not good vocabulary, blunt, non descriptive and short. Not a very good essay at all. Essays take time and effort.

  2. jambosa says:

    That is not an essay. It is a fictional paragraph.