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How can I improve my expository essay? Please help me make changes to it so that it sounds good(:?

I'm writing an expository essay on an inventor and I chose the person who invented coca-cola. My thesis statement is:The world-famous soda beverage, Coca-Cola, was invented by pharmacist John Stith Pemberton. It all started at a little pharmacy in which he worked. Is that good? How can I make that better? My first/introductory paragraph is:The product was born on May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia. Dr. Pemberton was the local pharmacist. He whipped up the syrup for the delicious Coke in his lab and mixed it with carbonated water to form a refreshing soda pop. He and his partner/bookkeeper, Frank M. Robinson, decided on a name for it. Robinson suggested it and Pemberton created the trademark for it. After the naming was settled, they went to work, creating oilcloth advertisements with the famous red "Coca-Cola" printed on them.This is all I have so far. I know it's not a lot to work with but as far as grammar and word choice goes, how can I improve it? I have a feeling that the first paragraph kind of jumps around, how can I fix that? And I also heard that first paragraphs should include everything my essay will be about, so how can I include everything my essay will be about (introduction) in one little paragraph without jumping around? Thanks and 10 points to the most helpful answer! :)P.S. links are welcome!

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One Response so far.

  1. castock says:

    Sounds good to me, its better than how i write my papers.